Why I left Instagram

…& quit blogging

 

It started off with a whole string of events that can occur in any ones life, which just meant that I was too busy to be posting regularly. At some point between the ups and downs, I just didn’t want to post..

As consumers of social media, I think concept that begins to blur the most, is picking out reality from a still shot. Its easy for us to forget that a picture is not an exact representation of a persons whole 24 hours, but a reflection of a single moment. Being a writer, I believe my emotions play the most significant role in the way I construct the images around my pieces.  I always thought I had a pretty fair grip on the writing I shared and the writing I kept to myself, until I got to a point where I didn’t want to share any of it.

I just thought, if my captions wouldn’t hold much – posting pictures for me would be pointless too. Naturally, when I started to feel like I didn’t want to post, blogging was the first thing that stopped. I couldn’t bring myself to share a caption, a long-form blog post was a long shot.

I find it funny to refer to myself as an artist but I think that there is an element of artistry to everything a person creates, and just like an artist – I can go through weeks at a time where I do not like anything I write, make or do in general.

I personally do not feel like I have been exposed to a perfectionist culture. I’m not denying that it exists. It does exist and it’s here, but I didn’t have to be on social media to begin to feel like a part of it. It’s something I’d always held in me.

As if not feeling the part wasn’t enough to stop me posting, I eventually thought that my page didn’t look the part too. I guess you would probably see this as a direct effect of all the meticulous feeds you can come across on a daily basis on the explore page. But I really don’t believe that to be the case. I mean, as far back as I can remember – I’ve always wanted my own personal page to look exactly as I envision it to be in my mind – or a close/better alternative. In school I would tear out countless sheets from my work book after writing a single line if I did not like how my handwriting would look.  At times I would complete the better part of a project and start from scratch again.
And I simply see my Instagram page as an extension of my workbook. It got to a point where one morning I wanted to delete most (all) the pictures from my account. But doing that would be the equivalent of setting three years worth of notebooks on fire,

and I’m not prepared to do that just yet.

If you were to see me right now, I would look to you like the living contradiction of everything you’ve just read about me. Because. Well. I’m not a perfectionist, not in the dictionary sense, not in any sense. I mean, I just spilled some tea on my white t-shirt as I’m writing this and I wholly believe it’s alright to continue to wear a tea stained top around for the rest of the day, and believe me, I will.

It isn’t perfection that I’m looking for, its more a connection. I didn’t like the feeling of  detachment from what I myself had put out there.

Like most creators on the internet, I have an emotional investment with each image and piece I publish to the world. I didn’t wanna have to feel obligated to post. I mean at first posting every few weeks felt a little forced, so I stopped. Not posting at all – well, that felt even better. Natural. And more than that, it was the right thing to do at the time.

I know that saying I just didn’t want to be on here is too weak a case, but it was hard for me to approach a topic that I had not fully come to terms with myself. I think its because we’re taught how to react to more open and direct emotions like anger, but don’t really know what to do with the silent underlying ones.

Being a generally positive person, I didn’t feel like any thing I was posting was positive anymore. So I took sometime away from posting to focus on being in tune with myself, and understanding the vision I had within me. I wouldn’t hold myself as an advocate for the importance of mental health if I really didn’t point out that I DID NEED time, and had to just trust myself in taking the time off and learning more about my state of mind.

I know that the time away has done me a lot of good. The blank posts are there to act like as an indent on my feed. This time, it’s important for me to see the physical break in my page and restart at a place I want to be.

I’m back with my (somewhat) unedited self. I’m not promising better content, nor do I think what I post will be any different from before, but it feels good to be back – and that’s all that counts.

Rimsha

oh wait, this entire essay would make a lot more sense if you followed me on Instagram wouldn’t it?

to contact me regarding a collaboration or to simply get in touch, drop me an email at: auburnrhyme@gmail.com

 

 

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The Bell Jar: A Review

 

 

The Bell Jar: A Review

realistic fiction

 

(No spoilers, I promise)

10:08 AM. I feel the pages thinning between my thumb and fingers and as I near the end of The Bell Jar, I feel a sudden surge of dull panic. A novel I had oh so desperately wanted to finish and now that I am almost there, I haven’t found closure. I mean it can’t end this way…

 

But it can.

In fact, I am not dissatisfied by the way that Plath ended the novel. I am completely satisfied, yet there’s certainly a large part of my mind that has been shaken. The part of me that recognises that this is the most ‘real’ and tangible closure I could get from an autobiographical novel.

The book depicts Plath’s protagonist, Esther Greenwood as a successful student and writer. The author portrays Esther’s mind as almost transparent; the description used to display the characters thoughts of people and places are the most enjoyable yet heart-wrenching element of the novel, for me.

I have never been so torn between the feeling of dropping the book and leaving it unfinished and reading on to know how it ends ever before. Knowing that this was a reflection of her life and that the author took her own life (eventually) compelled me to read on, it would be disrespectful of me to stop before the end. 

Midway through the novel, the author does foreshadow the end as the novel follows an almost pessimistic tone from a certain point, which is cut ever so slightly by moments of optimism, but never really dies down.

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‘At first I wondered why the room felt so safe. Then I realised it was because there were no windows’.

 

I guess this is more of me venting my feelings about the story than an actual review, bear with me. The thing is, I know that whether I read this ten years earlier or ten years on down the lie, I would pretty much feel just as I do today. But for me to read it just after I turned twenty, and following the neurosis of Esther, who is a similar age to mine and also turns twenty in some dark page, whose number I do not know – just makes the reading experience a little more truer to reality.

 

Part of the way through the novel, I thought I would like to read some of Plath’s poems as soon as I’d finished reading the book. Now, I’m not quite sure I could handle reading anymore of her work so soon after The Bell Jar.

screenshot_2016-09-27-09-13-36-4.png As for the title, I have never a felt a more befitting one for a novel before. screenshot_2016-09-27-09-13-36-4.png

I’m still at a loss for ways to describe the novel. The best way to summarise it would be to pick a question from the blurb itself: ‘what is reality, and how can it be confronted?’

At this point, all I can say is – read it.

 

On a brighter note, I hope you enjoy my first successfully transported but poorly made gif. 

I don’t think there’s such a thing as light-hearted reading anymore, if you know of any – do suggest some in the comments. Thank you guys.

 

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To contact me regarding a collaboration, or to simply get in touch – drop me an email at: rimsharasul8@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

two decades and counting //(Birthday Post)

It’s the fifth day of the new year 2017,

a quick google search tells me that on this day 1892, the first successful auroral photograph was made. It also happens to be my birthday. Yes. On this day 20 years ago, I was born.

Though the first framed capturing of the phenomenonal lights a hundred and five years prior to my birth, was certainly not a precursor of my tiny human self growing to be ‘extra ordinary’. I hate falling to pessimism but considering the fact that I have failed to keep up with the very blog that I promised more than once to update regularly – its safe to say that I am by consequence – below the ordinary mark in ordinary regards too.

Impair ordinare, as the French may call it.

Oh, that’s not what the French call it? Pardon moi.

Usually I would type out a list of excuses for my near ghosting as a blogger. Excuses that would start with me saying “you see, the thing is” and end somewhat on a lower note. But today, I’ll try not to make a rhetoric of myself and simply set out the blunt truth.

You see the thing is (oh, but this isn’t an excuse! I promise) when I started out blogging, my ‘motto’ was to provide positive content. I had this idea embedded within the blog post writing section of my mind (yes, it really does exist), in which I had decided that the world and its inhabitants had enough problems to go around, and so if a reader was to take a few moments out of their hectic day to read a post- it should simply make them smile. 

With that came the obvious habit of only sharing the good, but just as I began to write this post- I realised that the ‘bad‘ wasn’t all that bad. Sharing the slightly watered down shades of life could make a reader feel familiar and know that they are not alone in this spectrum of raging intensities.

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My brain lacked any space in the blogging department, because a) a family member got sick b) I’ve been busy accommodating for family and guests arriving from abroad and c) I was struggling with assignments.

The final one felt amazing actually, the struggle of putting the work and long hard hours into an assingment – has always done something for me. I can’t quite explain why the bitter sweet dedication one has to put forth into the process is rewarding. Except that, it just is.

As for b), I have had regular guests and extended family coming to visit from abroad and far away places since as far back as I can remember. I don’t know if its just in our South Asian blood or my dads extrovert personality. Guests from distant lands being around isn’t a surprise change. Though having them around every couple of weeks during term time was a sour inconvenience, it’s the knowing that it is illness that has drawn them which was new.

Speaking of new, a) was new. a) was most definitely new. I’d never had to deal with illness being so close to home before.

Early September brought with it the most foreign feeling my almost twenty year old self had yet to come into contact with.

I am quite adaptable. I cut my thumb one day and walked around with it wrapped in a bloody tissue and folded into my fist  for two hours so that I wouldn’t have to be told off for being clumsy and have my thumb properly checked. I survived over 120 minutes with one thumb instead of two. That’s pretty adaptable if you ask me.

September was no different. I adapted to the shock. To the regular hospital trips. To the completely changed routine.  Though the change along with b) and c) meant that my blog suffered.

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Its been 2017 for a while now, and though I may whisper the odd few new year’s resolutions to myself when nobody’s listening, I generally don’t follow the whole ‘new year, new me’ swing. Here’s why.

I personally don’t deem it as entirely healthy to put immense pressure on ourselves to undergo drastic changes – simply because the clock has struck 12. Though I do not see anything wrong with it in principal, setting goals and standards and seeing the new year as a fresh start is a fairly decent way of kicking your productivity up. But lets face it. When we don’t become the new us we had set out to be, it’s bound to set a toll on you somewhere down the line, mentally at least.

I do have a few ‘works in progress’ that I would like to progress further into this year.

So hi there, trusted blog reader. If you’re still reading this, you should know that I will be posting more regularly.

 

More to the point of this post. I am 20. As of now, I feel just about the same. I mean I’ve been transitioning into the twentieth year since about a year, I’m bound to feel fairly comfortable. I’ve been a teen for so long that knocking the number 1 off the first digit of my age seems a little unfair.

I’m blessed beyond measure, and I have everything to be thankful for. Two decades is a long time to be alive, if I could survive 2016 as a 19 year old – I could pretty much single handedly outlive the zombie apocalypse. 

Which I also think is just extravagantly over exaggerated. I mean it might just be a minion take over of the world and more yellow than gory. 

You should definitely follow me on Instagram if you’re not already and tune in to my insta-story today, where i’ll be sharing the birthday love by telling you my tips for having a good day.

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Phew. This is the most frank I’ve ever been on my blog. I usually curve around my real reasons for being gone.

As I mentioned earlier, if you were here in my absence – I apologise for not being around and you may be going through a particularly shaky time in your life right now,

just know that it will pass – you are strong enough to get through it and get through it you will.

That’s all that matters in the end.

*yes, this was a sparsely illustrated, but certainly a self-illustrated post*

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To contact me regarding a collaboration, or to simply get in touch – drop me an email at: rimsharasul8@gmail.com

Mangobaaz Feature

Yesterday evening I arrived home and began to flick through my email inbox, it was quite a fast and aimless skimming, until I came across a link to my feature on MangoBaaz!

I guess you can imagine how ecstatic I was (and still am).

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@MangoBaaz

 It’s such an amazing feeling to be recognised and appreciated by a news platform as hot as MangoBaaz. I was interviewed by Haadiya, I talk a little about my journey as a writer/blogger and embracing my ethnicity. I also mention a little about my photo’s *and my lack of expertise in the photography department*

Needless to say, it was a surreal experience.

If you read the article, let me know what you think of it.

http://www.mangobaaz.com/tea-in-bed-goals/

I pray that you have a lovely week ahead!

Rimsha

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To contact me in regards to a collaboration, or to simply get in touch, drop me an email at – rimsharasul8@gmail.com

An Award… Maybe?

This entire post may be ‘invalid’, as a rule of the award is to post the default picture alongside the questions you answer, but I really (really) feel that the picture doesn’t suit my style.

phew, now that that’s out of the way, here goes.

I was nominated by Maha (funhousevision) – who might I add, is an extremely versatile blogger, for the Entertainer Blogger Award. Thank you Maha!

The rules are as follows

  1. Write a post… *mumbles*  including the award picture
  2. Nominate twelve other bloggers
  3. Nominees should answer the same questions as the ones below
  4. Thank the blogger that nominated you and link their blog

 

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-8.pngWhat do you hope to gain from blogging?

Knowledge and experience as with most things, and an audience of some sort – to read my writing of some sort.

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-1.pngWhat genre of film entertains you the most?

Ooo. I’d like to say horror, but cinema has failed to successfully horrify me as of late.

Mystery, a good thriller mystery.

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-6.pngDo you consider yourself a writer, and what inspires you to write?

I say this too often, but I’m inspired by the world around me. The components that make up ‘me’ as an individual and other people as unique humans on Earth. Uhh, yes I consider myself a writer.

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-4.pngWhy did you choose your particular WordPress username?

I named my blog after my Instagram page.

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-3.pngWhat is your favourite book, and why does it speak to you?

It’s too hard to answer that, in this tiny space between two questions. Look out for the blogpost (coming soon…not that soon)

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-5.pngWhat is your favourite song, and why does it speak to you?

I don’t have a favourite song. That’s the short answer. I’ll go with that.

screenshot_2016-09-19-12-23-35-2.pngWhat is your favourite photograph, and why does it speak to you?

I love this question. I don’t have a favourite, more like a collection of loads of little pictures that ‘speak to me’, but if I tried to share all of them, this blogpost might never end. Here’s a picture that I took on my phone this morning at 7:35 am, as I was headed towards the train station. I’m not sure exactly why I specified the medium that the photo was taken on, all my pictures are taken by me on my phone (psst..I don’t have a camera/dslr just yet).

In the most humble manner possible, I present to you my favourite picture of the day, which just so happens to be taken by me.

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Well it didn’t really say much, except remind me to be grateful for the life I have. There’s just something about leaving the house early on an autumn morning whilst the moon is still out and the sun is yet to rise. All I can say when I am overcome by this feeling is, Thank God.

I Nom-in-ate:

  1. saiz
  2. Ofbrownhuesanddarkeyes
  3. herinkedsoul
  4. aclockworkhafsa
  5. thepakistanigirlsguide
  6. myjuxtaposedthoughts
  7. fromheretothere
  8. tehreemsiteblog
  9. joiedevivre
  10. bhammerblog
  11. monochromemessblog
  12. ramblingsofalazygirl

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To contact me regarding a collaboration, or to simply get in touch – drop me an email at: rimsharasul8@gmail.com

 

Today, I guess.

“Monday’s aren’t so bad, I’m into the whole start of a new week productivity kick, but I find listening to a Ted Talk in the morning is really motivating and interesting depending on what you listen to…” – M (answer to last Monday’s question by @fromheretothereblog, who shared her Monday routine, which is strikingly similar to mine!)

This would be my third post since university has started, which from an idealist point of view, is a ‘job well done’ for keeping up with blogging whilst getting into the new academic routine. But let’s be realistic, if I carried on at this rate then within the next two months – my blog would be as dormant as it was before summer.

However, the difference between this September and September 2015, is that I know i’ll continue blogging (regularly) simply because I really, really enjoy it.

Well Hi,

It’s been a week since I have started university as a second year student and I have a couple of things to say. Firstly, what’s with all the maths and computing students. I mean sitting in the library trying to focus on work with a pair of frantically calculating math-ers sat near by sort of just, blows the words right out of me.

Ok that was a slight exaggeration and

Math-ers isn’t a word. My point exactly.

Just seeing the stress suddenly falling on to their face like a ton of acute angled bricks (get it) makes me feel a little well, nauseas. Don’t get me wrong, I admire them for doing what they love.

I do not hate numbers, but I do have a problem with the way mathematics are taught. You might have figured by the nature of this impromptu rant, that me and math don’t really form the most successful marriage. I struggled with math as a child. I still do. I wasn’t the smartest kid in school. However, my ‘above average’ performance in English, meant that I was just ‘expected’ to excel in all other subjects too.

Before I move on, what does ‘average’ even mean. I understand certain levels are set in the education system, in order to recognise those that are struggling and need the extra attention. But how me performing well in one subject meant that I had to automatically do well in maths too, didn’t make much sense to me. 

Recalling my own experience at school has made me think of children at school as young as 6 years old that think they’re not ‘good enough’ because they don’t fit a certain academic criteria. I don’t think that’s the healthiest mind set a child should grow up believing. 

Well that concludes this rather shaky update (literally…im on a train) 

Rimsha 

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To contact me regarding a collaboration or to simply get in touch, drop me an email at: rimsharasul8@gmail.com